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Pathetic realization

April 9, 2008

Silly as it sounds, this was inspired by watching “The Biggest Loser.”

Looking back on what we’ve had of 2008 and the weight I’ve lost, I see no good reason why I’ve essentially only lost 3 pounds. It’s now April, and for as much time as I’ve spent on my elliptical, I should have lost much more than that. It’s not my body that refuses to lose the weight. It’s my mind.

I’m pretty sure I’ve been sabotaging my workouts and my diet (not A diet – my actual diet, what I eat). How? I’ll have two or three good weeks of consistent, strong workouts, then I’ll slack off for a week. And for me, someone who’s not in stellar shape, that week off makes working out that much harder, and I often feel I’m starting back at square one. I should be able to work out harder and longer, but my “breaks” keep setting me back.

As for food, I noticed the other day that I’ve fallen back into my carb-heavy rut and have slacked off on making sure my diet is more balanced. Sure, I’m (loosely) counting my WW points and making sure to have smaller portions, but my body loves its carbs as much as my taste buds do – neither “part” of me wants to give those carbs up, but my taste buds need to make the sacrifice so my body doesn’t hang onto them in the form of chub.

So why would I sabotage myself? Why would I want to hang onto this extra weight? I’m afraid to fail. I’m not afraid that I won’t lose the weight. I’ve done that before. I’m an historically lazy person, and I’m afraid that if/when I get to my goal weight, I won’t have the motivation to continue being fit, and all the weight will creep back up. Like before. I’d like to believe I put the weight back on then because I could only afford crappy food. But you and I both know the fact that I didn’t continue being fit had a big hand in it as well.

Here’s the good news, though. I think, after talking this out with Rob – who so often is charged with knocking sense into me – I am over this fear. How? I’ve lost 15 pounds so far, and I’ve kept that 15 off for quite some time now. If I can maintain here, I can certainly maintain with another 15-pound loss, right?

I think so. With that said, I’m hoping this starts a new chapter of my get-thin-and-fit quest. After all, there are only 10 weeks between now and when we’ll be on the beach in Mexico, and I need to take less on this visit.

Say a prayer for me, keep your fingers crossed, wish on a star – whatever it is you do to send good vibes to someone trying to accomplish something. It’s all greatly appreciated.

One Comment leave one →
  1. April 10, 2008 6:23 pm

    Just wanted to let you know that I’m there with you 😦

    196.5 this morning. OUCH! I put on my tennis shoes & went for a walk, plus I just logged in 16 minutes on the elliptical. Not bad for a start, but I need to be at least 2 inches smaller all over by August to fit in the bridesmaid dress I ordered…

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