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I have to come clean.

April 3, 2009

The reason I’ve been so quiet lately is that I’m currently stuck under my own personal rain cloud. I kind of hate the world right now, and I tend to shut down and seclude myself from, well, everything but sleep and reading, when I get like this.

No, it doesn’t happen often. No, it doesn’t normally stick around for weeks like this latest funk has. No, I’m not going to start cutting myself or wear all black and heavy eyeliner.

I wish I had something more interesting to share than the fact that I’ve turned into a brooding waste of space, but I don’t. And now you know why I haven’t shared much as of late.

It’s times like this I’m thankful I don’t have family and friends I see more often – I try to hide the funk, but seeing as I’m a wear-your-mood-on-your sleeve kinda girl, I’m never sure of how successful I am.

For my own reasons, I generally keep my interactions with co-workers related to work. Sure, I do some occasional socializing, but those occasions are sporadic enough that my brooding doesn’t raise any red flags. God, if I had to talk about my feelings with co-workers, I think I would cut myself. KIDDING.

Unfortunately for Rob, he’s subjected to a moody, hermit-wannabe for a wife. He’s been working a lot lately, though, so his forced interactions with me have also been sporadic and limited. I would think I was the reason he was working so much lately except for the fact that he is always busy as the month comes to a close and a new one starts.

I suppose it is unfortunate, though, that I’ve been able to crawl into my metaphoric hole. Something tells me increased, fun human interaction would have killed this funk long ago. It’s hard for me to stay curmudgeony with appropriate peer pressure.

And the reason for all this nonsense I’m confessing? I have a weekend of planned fun times with friends facing me, and part of me is scared that I’m going to ruin the fun with my mood. Another part of me is hoping this is exactly what the witch doctor would order, if I saw the witch doctor, that is (oo ee oo ah ah ting tang … Chipmunk movie, anyone?). Yet still another part of me wonders if I’ll be rid of that damned rain cloud this weekend only to have it return Monday when I return to my normally scheduled blather.

At least there will be cupcakes this weekend. That much is guaranteed.

(Damn, I feel like “Dear Diary,” is necessary for the top of this entry. Sorry, world.)

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Jess permalink
    April 3, 2009 12:14 pm

    walla walla bing bang!

    We all go through funks. I’m sure this one is due to coming down from the high of me visting. Totally kidding, I am not really that vain. But I’m sure this weekend will help you 🙂 If not, you would look totally HAWT in all black and heavy eyeliner 😉

  2. April 3, 2009 12:51 pm

    There is absolutely nothing wrong w/ heavy liner and all black, trust me, I have years of experience.

    As for feeling bleh, I totally get you on that one. Hopefully the friends, cupcakes, and sunny spring days will cheer you up this weekend.

  3. Meredith permalink
    April 3, 2009 1:38 pm

    DO NOT WORRY!!! I actually have the same feelings in regards to seeing y’all tomorrow. I hope that I, also, don’t ruin anyone’s mood. But sometimes it’s easier to be fake and smile and laugh than to really get this out there, so you don’t have to sit down and talk openly about it when you are not ready to, you know? So, just know that I understand how you feel.

  4. Speed permalink
    April 3, 2009 2:15 pm

    If it’s any comfort – I’m grumpy too :o) So maybe we can sit and stew in silence for 2+ hours :o)

    I kid, I kid…

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