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Rewriting The 12 Days of Christmas

December 17, 2009

You may have noticed my tweets are chock full of references to lasso-dicking. You may be wondering what in fresh hell I’m talking about.

Wonder no more, blog fans. Here’s the scoop.

Lasso-dicking comes from “Perfect Fifths,” the final book in a five-book series by Megan McCafferty. I read the series earlier this year, before I started recording my book reviews here. In short, the series follows Jessica (notso) Darling as she transitions from high school to the real world. Much of the content is written in journal form, which puts an interesting spin on the omniscient first person.

My favorite of Jessica’s love interests is the ever-evolving Marcus Flutie, who undergoes his own transformations as he grows older.

2009 has been the year of book boyfriends, and Marcus hovers near the top of my list. What? Doesn’t everyone have book boyfriends competing for the top spot?

I’d share with you my reactions from when I first read the books, but they’re rather spoilerific (not to mention completely nuts, as I was high on the Jessica/Marcus craze). My fellow nerds and I are planning to re-read the series after the new year, and I promise to have some quality thoughts on them then.

Back to the lasso-dicking.

Megan McCafferty is one of my favorite authors, not only for her wonderful books but also for the interest she shows in her fans. Megan has been doing some awesome giveaways lately, sending autographed copies to fans through various contests. Yesterday, she asked JD fans on Twitter to tweet back their favorite book from the series.

Of course, I complied. So did some of my most excellent hot, nerdy friends.

Per the usual with us when we start talking (or tweeting) about Marcus Flutie, things got really funny really fast, and we felt inspired to write a Christmas carol honoring Jessica and Marcus, all thanks to Marcus and his lasso-dicking tendencies.

And thus, an epic song was born (I’ll save you the pain of all 12 verses written out in their repetitive glory):

On the twelfth day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

twelve stolen journals

eleven skanky exes

ten sexy senryus

nine iron-on letters

eight yoga poses

seven cryptic postcards

six donkeys humping

fiiiiiive weekdayyyyy t-shirrrrrts

four Fanilows

three years of silence

two tongue-kissing cousins

and a lasso-dicking Marcus Flutie

Smack dab in the middle of these shenanigans, Megan McCafferty declared us the LDP (that’s Lasso-Dicking Posse, yo), and generously announced that she was sending us each signed copies of “Perfect Fifths.”


As if it couldn’t get any cooler, Megan gave her blessing to our rad song by posting links to it on her own Twitter and Facebook accounts.

I’m more starstruck than that one time I hung out with that famous blogger and that famous movie star and those famous kids on that famous TV show.


#lassodicking. Go tell your friends.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 18, 2009 12:29 am

    I know I’ve said it before, but…

    I love us


    Today was made of win


  2. Jess permalink
    December 18, 2009 3:49 pm

    Now THAT is starstruck!

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